My Sister is a Terrible Hostess

I spoke with my sister a few days ago while Dad was still there for home time.  She read to me a note that was posted on the refrigerator at her house.  Dad had been home all day while Shannon and her family were off at work and school.  It’s important to know that Dad speaks a rare dialect constructed of mispronounced Dugan-family baby words.  Here are a couple of words you must know in order to understand the note.

GooCoos: a child’s mispronunciation of “cookies.”

Aggs: a child’s mispronunciation of “eggs.”

Titi: a child’s mispronunciation of “auntie.” In this particular case, Titi is me.  It also, depending on the context, is my sister’s name, as we are both, technically speaking, aunts.

Here’s the note, reproduced according to his original composition.

ATTENTioN!

Residents, There are no GooCoos on top of the fridge, so don’t bother craning your little bird necks around to see up there.  P.S. Even if there were snacks up there, I’m pretty sure they would be off limits to all bad aggs (eggs: Titi baby talk).

AND THIS MEANS

Y-O-U!

Shan: My friend was here so I asked her to read the note and tell me what she thought it meant.

Friend: Well, it means don’t eat the cookies.

Shan: No, no, see, it’s an invitation to eat the cookies. 

(Translated it means: “Dear Family, I bought some cookies today.  They’re on top of the refrigerator.  Please help yourselves, you good little children.”)

As Shan was telling me this, I could hear Dad offering a number of comments in the background, but couldn’t make out all of what he was saying. 

Liv: What’s he talking about?

Shan:  Well, I’m trying to clean up a little.  His mom—when he was a kid, it really bothered her when she was a guest in someone’s home and that person would clean up while she was there, right in front of her, instead of sitting down to visit.

Dad: Something—blah, blah, blah—regarding Shannon’s “skills about being a hostess.”

Shan: You’re right, Dad.  A better plan would be for me not to clean anything for the whole five days of your home time.  I won’t wash any of the dishes or wipe the table.  I’ll just leave all the dirty clothes in piles.  It will be really comfortable and pleasant to be here at the end of this time. 

Dad: I don’t think you’d be this upset if you weren’t feeling a little guilty.

Shan: You’re right.

Dad: You know I’m right. 

Shan: My new tactic is to just agree with everything he says.

Dad: Indecipherable exclamations in the background.

Shan (calling out): You’re right, Dad.

Dad: I know it!

An untrained observer might feel uncomfortable to be present during such an argument, but Shan was perfectly relaxed.  That’s because this wasn’t actually an argument at all.  This is just a regular Dugan-style conversation that qualifies mostly as a mutual joke.

(Here's Shan, by the way.)